


a happiness for me

by pepi_peachnbeans



Series: hunger games au [15]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Bittersweet, M/M, Revelations, and that he is indeed vv soft for one park jinyoung, jaebum realizes that he is in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 19:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17289671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: it's enough to make him want to try though, to fight back now, beyond the need for justice and the purging of their system, but for the own selfish desires of just wanting happiness, because isn't that what everyone wants?





	a happiness for me

One would think that a great revolution would probably come in some insane earth shattering way. And in a sense it did- but it didn't. If anything, it was surely something that has been creeping up for a long time now, that just kept getting pushed to the side because there was always greater matters at hand to focus on. 

Like getting Jinyoung to cum, or talking to him, or dealing with the games and training tributes. 

He's not quite sure what brings his thoughts on this time, or maybe it's because he finds himself thinking of Jinyoung often, almost obsessively. Not that he really always has that much to do anyways, it always got so lonely here alone. 

Loneliness and nightmares is what plagues victors, and really, Jaebum truly does understand how some victors slowly descend into madness. Or become alcoholics to deal with their pain, the Haymitch Abernathy, the sole victor from district twelve is. 

The only time that Jaebum truly does feel alive is when he is with Jinyoung, and there has to be a greater reason for that. There was always a fondness and attraction, he can't deny that he was attracted to Jinyoung's carefulness and his pretty face. And then the thrill Jaebum got when he realized that he hates the Capital just as much as he does. 

Then to see his mind. 

It's someone he thought he wanted to keep around, as an ally against the Capital, but things really ended up escalating after that, hasn't it? But he doesn't regret it, because he enjoys it all too much. That things have progressed far further than merely an ally against the Capital, or from physical pleasures alone. He's getting emotional gratification from it too. 

He thinks back to the times that Jinyoung's opened up and shown him the real him, enough to be vulnerable and sensitive. That's something, considering Jinyoung is the far more diplomatic one, and despite everything, Jaebum's the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, never truly hiding his disdain unless he's in the proper mood for it. 

But Jinyoung's there for him too, understanding and caring. How he had made him that crown of lights, that Jaebum still honestly had, sitting bedside. Or just recently, when he had those nightmares that just couldn't escape despite how much he just wished that they would. 

Then, he thinks about that momentarily fear, of when it came out that Hermes Atomm was dead, and how there was no denying that his death came from Jinyoung's hands, quite literally, Jinyoung created the currents and the device that killed him. And how he had that near fear that Jinyoung would be gone too after that, and how he wouldn't be able to handle that because Jinyoung is all that he has left. 

He remembers Jinyoung's words, that many probably thinks he is just a cold hearted killer, but Jaebum knows better. He knows that Jinyoung has that side of him, but that isn't all of him. That besides it all, he has a soft and caring heart, is understanding, probably a great friend and brother and- an amazing lover. 

And... that's what it comes down to, isn't it? Lover. That's what it is, that's what they are, what all of this is, Jaebum's feelings. That he loves Jinyoung, more than just a friend, or an ally, but that he is truly deeply in love with that man and would probably do anything for him. 

Coming to this realization though, Jaebum keeps himself seated from where he is staring out the window. What does he even do with this information? Does it even change anything? Can it change anything? He's not worried that Jinyoung doesn't feel the same, in all actuality, it's the last thing that he's worried about. 

It's bittersweet if anything, that it's there, but what can he really do about it, besides what they already are? That he just craves more, yet more will always be a future that taunts them. They've teased at it before, of a future. He remembers the time that their conversation had fallen on kids, and how he let himself think about the possibility of the two of them and how the mood had fallen flat and somber after that. 

It's enough to make him want to try though, to fight back now, beyond the need for justice and the purging of their system, but for the own selfish desires of just wanting happiness, because isn't that what everyone wants? 

He used to think happiness would be getting this down for everyone else, but now, he has his own personal thing to fight for, _a happiness for me_.

 


End file.
